The source of anger is almost always hurt. 

I am beyond guilty of often confusing the two. There are certain things, when done, that will always cause me hurt and, ergo, will always make me angry. I pretend to understand why these things spur this response and perhaps there is some deep psychological synapse firing, but in the end none of this really matters. My scars do not have to impact the way I behave.  I have fairly competent reasoning skills and I like to believe that equips me with the ability to think though my pain and come out clean on the other side. 

Unfortunately, this is not the case.

 For whatever reason, I have grown up following the school of thought that says if something gets to be too much to deal with, run away until you've built up enough emotional strength to get though it. 

I am not crazy.

I know this is, probably, the worst possible way of dealing with things. 

The problem is I can't seem to think of anything better to do. I know, rationally, that the best course of action would be to sit down with the source of my problem, talk it out, and move on. But what happens when talking isn't an option? Or, when people simply don't want to listen? More than once I have gotten hurt so badly, and become so angry that the idea of even living in the same town as the person who hurt me seems unbearable. In these cases I move. Often just out of the city for a bit. Once, all the way to Texas.

As I've said before, I am terribly guilty of living my life for others. Because of this I tend to get myself into uncomfortable situations socially. Now, it must be stated that I do play both sides of the field. But I never lie, and I never take up arms for either side. Both sides know exactly what the Swiss and I have in common. I get slammed between that metaphorical rock and a hard place more than I care to. Most of the time I do my best to not let it bother me. I wriggle my way out by appealing to both the rock and it's similarly hard companion and establish for myself a few moments of clear thought. Being forced into any situation is difficult, but when you are shoved between two friends the need to treat the situation gingerly can backfire quickly. 

It should not be assumed that I never have an opinion. Conversations with me quickly prove this to be unequivocally false. My opinions are many and varied. There are just some situations where your opinion is not only not needed, it is a hindrance. It is these situations that get me into trouble. 

In any argument there is truth on both sides of the story. There may be more truth on one side than on the other but it does exist on both sides. Keeping this in mind and applying what has already been learned here today, you should be able to assess that the problem I run into is deciding what part of what side of the story is true. I could spend the next three days talking about perception and how just because something seems to be an affront to your person, it may not have been. But I would be wasting my bad ass word per minute skills, because perception is just another way of saying ignorance. 

Rationally, as humans, we have to have some knowledge of the people around us. But, in the end, all we are left thinking about is ourselves. There usually isn't very much wrong with this, in fact, it keeps us alive. But, it becomes a big issue when we forget that it is this same single-minded view of the world that creates issues that don't  really exist. All those times I have been hurt before probably don't exist like I believed them to. All I know is that they hurt and it is the deep emotional response that causes all the problems. Because we think about us all the time we want or believe others do to. So, we take every comment, every canceled plan, and every side-ways glance as a reflection of the animosity and hatred they feel, when in reality all it probably is just what they say it is. 

Sometimes, its not. 

Look, we all play games. Every one of us. Life is hard and getting along with people can be challenging. So, we create these little tricks and maneuvers to help us navigate those murky waters. Some people play games that help preserve and others are all about destroying, the point is that people don't really know what they are doing. It's just what has worked for them in the past. Some people don't understand that the same actions that seem like second nature to them are actually hurtful and damaging. Holding on to a relationship long after its over isn't good for either person, and perceiving threats where none exist just creates walls that eventually have to come down. 

There really isn't a solution to this. Not really. In Utopia, people would think about others more and not be so quick to jump to conclusions. But this is not Utopia and it never will be. What we have is a world that is fragmented into bits and pieces, each one holding up a person or idea. These pieces are not like those of a puzzle, that share a common beginning and therefore could, at one point, be put back together again. These pieces are individually shaped by who we are. The edges round out through the wear and tear of daily life, and by the perpetual need to bump into others. Eventually, these pieces lay smooth and the water flows as undisturbed as possible, but there will always be those who resist the change and make those of us living down stream deal with the rapids they create.Inevitably, this will cause hurt, but the knowledge that this hurt is temporary and largely in our own minds can hopefully put to rest the nagging voice that tells us otherwise and we can begin to understand that the only thing we should worry about is how we talk to, talk about, and treat other people.