Oh, the turth of it.

I am afraid to admit that I have never been the best role model. 

The problem is I would much rather a child think for themselves.

People don't let children be children enough. By a certain age we all but lose the ability to fully tap into our imagination. We are told by the adults in our lives what the reasonable and responsible thing to think is and just assume that we can't have both. 

Children are amazing. They carry entire worlds in their minds. 

I remember imagining but I don't remember how to do it. And that makes me angry.

Why would I ever want to take that away from a child?

I remember when I was younger being absolutely positive that there was a God and that Jesus was exactly what I was told he was. I remember having this unshakable faith that things were just as my pastors had said they were. As I got older I, naturally, began to doubt. The things I was being taught on Sunday didn't line up with the things I was being taught Monday-Friday.

I knew heaven wasn't "up there" because I knew that there was nothing other than sky and planets and solar systems until forever "up there." I also knew that hell wasn't
"down there" because all that was "down there" was magma and mantel and eventually China. I knew this, and I knew that the people surrounded me on Sunday knew this too.

So why were we all just standing here?

I think the problem wasn't that we were all misinformed. I do think there is a God of sorts. I just don't think he is a external paternal figure that lives outside of ourselves, in the clouds above our heads. 

To me God has always been the power, the energy that exists in the universe. When talking about the big bang, you will always hear people say that it started when energy collided. To me, God is that initial energy, bit and pieces of which ended up in each and every one of us. We carry that spark of life in us. The energy that existed at the dawn of time will continue to exists in all of the universe until the end of time. We are merely just a conduit. And in order to understand God, we must first understand ourselves. 

That is why this child-like faith the church asks you to have isn't good for the church. It prolong the numbing of reality. I believe in things. I have faith. But that faith is supported by science, not diminished by it. The idea that science and religion cannot and should not live harmoniously is slowly tearing the church apart. 

I will be the first to admit that I am not a big fan of the organized church in any manifestation. While they have done some amazing things, they don't always. The history is gruesome and enraging. But if the church wants to have any future they have to change the way they think and change the way they present their message. 

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested. 

John Shelby Sponge really is a genius.

I don't know what I am going to do when the time comes that I have children. I almost think that it is inevitable that they are going to end up a weird amalgamation of the beliefs held by my husband and myself. I just think that the idea of raising a child to blindly believe is dangerous. You can have faith. Just know what you have faith in. Educate yourself and fully understand it. Dive deep into the world. The bible was written. Understand the time it was written in and the history. If they choose to have a traditional faith, I won't hold that against them even though I don't. As long as they are educated in that faith and keep an open mind. 

Contrary to popular belief, there is not one true religion. There is not one truth. The truth is something that is reached in many different ways, at many different time, by many different people. We all solve problems in our own special way, why would religion and faith be any different? The differences we share are what makes this world beautiful and yet it is always the differences that spark the most trouble.